Hello and welcome to Ask3Ladies.com! We are Liesl, Abby, and Jenny, and we're so glad you've found your way to our space on the web! We created this site to offer advice regarding a variety of topics, such as dating, relationships, family, friends, work, education, and more. Hope you enjoy your stay!
“Help me gain confidence?”
Jul 26th
Whenever I hang out with my friends they always tell me how “attractive” I am and how I could get any guy I wanted. I however don’t feel the same way. I have a really low self esteem and to be honest I don’t know what to do. Typically when a guy talks to me and compliments me I usually just ignore them because I figure all they want from me is one thing. I’m going to college soon and I don’t know many people. It’s different from high school because I grew up with everyone there. How can I overcome my shyness and gain confidence in myself? -Mary-Anne
I used to be the same exact way!!! So I think there’s nothing wrong with being a bit self conscious and shy. Heading to college was a huge shock for me as I was very sheltered growing up! The shyness will wear off with time. Everyone is worried when they first get to college and get in the scene. The chance of anyone noticing your shyness to begin with is slim-to-nill because everyone is shy when you first get there! As for how to gain confidence in yourself, my best advice is just to do what makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself. The confidence will come out of that, even if you don’t feel like others will notice. Just stay excited for this new chapter in your life and have fun!
“Need help to get out of a stress in friendship”
Jul 16th
My really close friend is madly in love with a guy… And that guy too loves her back like crazy..they both are in a relationship and I’m really happy for them..but suddenly today my friend told me that the guy told her to end up as he thinks that their relationship cant stand.. They both couldn’t speak since..but then I got the guy online and I chatted with him as even he s a good friend of mine.. I asked him what’s wrong and he said that he doesn’t want to hurt his love and he will go away breaking up as he is suffering from blood cancer..now this gal said to me to ask him what happened..and the guy told me not to tell her anything and that he trusted me but he doesn’t want to hurt his love.. I’m confused and don’t know what to do.. I explained the guy that he should not hide it from his love and that she will be with him if he tells her the truth but he just doesn’t listen..plz help..soon..!! -anmol bagga
I’m so sorry to hear that about your friend… That must have been terrible news for you to hear, and not being able to say anything to your close friend must be hard for you to do, too. I think what you can do is try to get them to talk to each other. They clearly still love each other and although he is sick, that doesn’t mean he can’t be with the one he loves. Maybe he thinks that she won’t accept him or that it will hurt her to know what’s going on, but as a friend you need to tell him that although you know he’s trying not to hurt her, he already is hurting her by not being honest with her and by ending their relationship the way he did. I think you should try to get him to understand this first, and if he is still convinced that he shouldn’t tell her anything, then what you can do is to ask both of them to meet up at your house or something, without them knowing, and get them to talk. Remind them both how much they love each other and how happy they both were when they were together. Hopefully that will get him to open up to her, and get her to understand what he’s going through and to support him as well. Even if he decides not to tell her at that moment, don’t feel bad or guilty. You’re doing your best to help both of your friends, and I’m sure they’ll see how lucky they are to have such a good friend in you. Good luck!
“Communication”
Jul 16th
What I need help with is? Well me and My husband been Married for 1 year now, we have two wonderful girls! He’s in the Army and everytime we talk it seems like he is not Interested in me and I don’t know what to do! Is he? It seems like everything I say It pisses him off like Seriously! Is it something that I be saying or is something else? He won’t talk to me! He talks to all his Buddies, but not me!! And everytime I find something out, that he should have come to me about he get’s upset what should I do? -Brittany
As a military wife myself (we all are, actually- Me, Jenny, and Liesl, and all of our husbands are deployed to Iraq), I know that a lot of times, they try to distance themselves from their families in hopes that the mental separation will make the actual, physical one easier to handle. They get into this mindset that if they convince themselves that they won’t be upset when they leave, that they actually won’t. This, of course, is never the case and always ends up hurting the family even more. All you can do is try to be understanding. It is not anything that you are doing, it is just something that happens. It is a very unfortunate part of this life that we have chosen, but there isn’t anything that we can do about it. They get so stressed out sometimes that they just don’t realize that they are hurting those that love them most by shutting them out. Just make sure he knows that you feel unappreciated and that it hurts you when he acts this way, but that you understand that he is going through a lot and that he is dealing with it in the best way he knows how. If it gets really intense, you could suggest couple’s counseling. Lots of couples go to it and it can really help you open the lines of communication and help him to realize that there are better ways of dealing with his stress than simply shutting you out. I hope that everything starts looking up, as part of the military wive’s family, we all understand what you are going through and really appreciate your sacrifices!
-Ab
“Love vs. Friendship”
Jul 15th
The guy that I like is very nice. I love him and would do anything. He seems to be my soul mate. I really want to go out with him. There is just one problem; if I do, my best friend will hate me. She thinks that this guy is hers and that no one else can have him. Even though she will let me go out with him, I know that it would really hurt her. Should I go for the guy? -Lauren
I can see where the decision to go out with him is tough because of your best friend, but if there’s no commitment between the two of them then you should go for it. Remember it is also up to him. If he doesn’t feel the same way for your friend she should understand it and let you have your chance with him. One thing you should keep in mind is that even though she thinks “he is hers”, she did say she’d let you go out with him so that tells you that she wants you to be happy, too. Talk to her about it. Reassure her that you care about her and do not want to hurt her, and explain to her that the right thing to do is to follow your heart.
“Lost motivation to study”
Jul 13th
I’ve lost all motivation and interest in school and studying. I’m considered a good student and many people have expectations of me. I’m tired of everything and I always feel like I’m looking for some kind of escape. I don’t want to disappoint my mom because of the sacrifices she has made for me or throw away the past years of hard work I’ve put into school. But even knowing the disappointments and consequences if I fail my graduating exams I’m still not motivated to study. Is there anyway I could find interest or motivation to study for exams which are in the next month? Thanks for the advice! -Nicky
It sounds like you have been in school for so long, that you are just burnt out. I know that at this point in time, it feels like it will NEVER end, but it will! After you take those exams next month, THEN you can let yourself bum around for a little while and stop stressing so much. It sounds like you have pushed yourself SO hard for your entire educational career, and you are about to run out of educational gasoline. I get it, I am a student too. Sometimes you just have to take a breather. Take a day off, don’t study, just go to the park or to the movies, or wherever you wish you had more time to go! If you just give yourself a small mental break, you will be able to muster up that educational gasoline for just ONE more month! You can do it! Don’t let being burnt out make you fail a test that will reflect your entire college experience.
“What do I do?”
Jul 13th
I told one of my best guy friends that we couldn’t be friends anymore because I loved him so I ended our friendship. I tried to repair it a while later because I had gotten over him but he wont reply back to my texts or anything. he also deleted me off of Facebook. I am really upset and don’t know what to do about it. What do I do? -Sofia
I think the best way to go about this is to send him an email explaining why you did it, and that you’d really like to be friends again. He might be thinking that things could be awkward between you two so he just chooses to stay away from it and not reply to your texts. Apologize to him and tell him that you no longer have those feelings for him, so none of that would affect your friendship anymore, that you just care about him as a friend and that you miss hanging out with him. That way he will understand why you did it and will see that you are truly sorry for having to end your friendship in the first place. Good luck!!
“College decision time”
Jul 12th
My boyfriend and I are in the process of choosing colleges. We both have a college that we have always wanted to go to, and we’ve gotten accepted to them! However, the problem is that they are an hour away from each other. I was thinking about maybe just going to his college instead so that we could be closer together, even though I don’t want to go there. We plan on getting married in the next couple of years anyway. What should I do?
I think that you should take the opportunity to go to the college of your dreams. An hour is not a long drive, and yall could even meet in the middle sometimes for lunch or a movie. If you go to his college just for him, you will probably spend 99% of your time at each other’s apartments. This means that you will never have the opportunity to live with a friend, and just be a college girl. You will probably resent that later in life. You are getting married soon anyway, so enjoy being just a normal college student while you can. You will regret never having the freedom to do what you want all the time, and so will he. Also, living with someone else or alone for a while before you move in together is a great idea. You both need to learn to take care of yourselves before you try to take care of each other in a marriage. I hope this helps!
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